Trust is complex, according to Tim Caulfield of the University of Alberta.A relationship experts, John and Julie Gottman, writes "qualities related to trust and trustworthiness are the most important characteristics people want in a spouse or partner." How do you know a relationship is based on trust>>>>>>>>>>>>>Below are some of the essential features of trust in a relationship
Trust is important, but it is also dangerous. It is important because it allows us to form relationships with people and to depend on them—for love, for advice, for help with our plumbing, or what have you—especially when we know that no outside force compels them to give us such things.
Trust is an attitude that we have towards people whom we hope will be trustworthy, where trustworthiness is a property, not an attitude. For trust to be warranted (i.e. plausible) in a relationship, the parties to that relationship must have attitudes toward one another that permit trust.
One important criterion for trust is that the trustor can accept some level of risk or vulnerability (Becker 1996).Annette Baier writes that “trusting can be betrayed, or at least let down, and not just disappointed” In her view, disappointment is the appropriate response when one merely relied on someone to do something, but did not trust him or her to do it.
Researcher and educator, Brené Brown in his research, offers the acronym BRAVING to share qualities that contribute to building and sustaining trust in relationships with partners, friends, family members and co-workers:
B = Boundaries
Can I trust you to be clear about what is okay and not okay in this relationship? Can I trust you to understand and respect my boundaries? Are you willing to say “no” and respect my need to say “no” sometimes? Do you understand that setting boundaries is often one of the most loving things we can do in our relationships?
R = Reliability
Will you follow through and do what you say you’re going to do? Can I trust that you won’t over promise on your ability or capacity to complete tasks or projects? Are you able to balance competing priorities? Can I trust these things about you consistently and over time?
A = Accountability
Can I trust that when you make a mistake that you will own it, apologize and make amends? Am I willing to hold myself accountable for the mistakes I make as well?
V = Vault
Do you hold in confidence what I share with you? Do we hold in confidence what others have shared with us when those stories are not ours to share?
I = Integrity
Can I trust that you will act from your integrity including choosing courage over comfort; choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast or easy; and practicing your values and not just professing them.
N = Non-judgment
Do I know that I can fall apart and be in struggle and pain and that you won’t judge me? Do I trust that you will reach out to me when you are also in pain and struggle so that I can have the opportunity to be supportive? Are we able to regularly offer and ask for help from each other?
G = Generosity
Will you assume that my intentions are good—and when you’re not sure, will you check it out with me? Can we make generous assumptions and interpretations of ourselves and others in terms of words, behaviors and actions?
For some philosophers, it matters only that the trustee is committed. The central problem of trustworthiness in their view concerns the ongoing commitment of the trustee, and in particular, under what circumstances, if any, one could expect such a commitment from another person
Trust relationship requires you to open yourself to others >>>this may lead to some certain risk such as betrayal and rejection.
Trust is an attitude that we have towards people whom we hope will be trustworthy, where trustworthiness is a property, not an attitude. For trust to be warranted (i.e. plausible) in a relationship, the parties to that relationship must have attitudes toward one another that permit trust.
One important criterion for trust is that the trustor can accept some level of risk or vulnerability (Becker 1996).Annette Baier writes that “trusting can be betrayed, or at least let down, and not just disappointed” In her view, disappointment is the appropriate response when one merely relied on someone to do something, but did not trust him or her to do it.
Researcher and educator, Brené Brown in his research, offers the acronym BRAVING to share qualities that contribute to building and sustaining trust in relationships with partners, friends, family members and co-workers:B = Boundaries
Can I trust you to be clear about what is okay and not okay in this relationship? Can I trust you to understand and respect my boundaries? Are you willing to say “no” and respect my need to say “no” sometimes? Do you understand that setting boundaries is often one of the most loving things we can do in our relationships?
R = Reliability
Will you follow through and do what you say you’re going to do? Can I trust that you won’t over promise on your ability or capacity to complete tasks or projects? Are you able to balance competing priorities? Can I trust these things about you consistently and over time?
A = Accountability
Can I trust that when you make a mistake that you will own it, apologize and make amends? Am I willing to hold myself accountable for the mistakes I make as well?
V = Vault
Do you hold in confidence what I share with you? Do we hold in confidence what others have shared with us when those stories are not ours to share?
I = Integrity
Can I trust that you will act from your integrity including choosing courage over comfort; choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast or easy; and practicing your values and not just professing them.
N = Non-judgment
Do I know that I can fall apart and be in struggle and pain and that you won’t judge me? Do I trust that you will reach out to me when you are also in pain and struggle so that I can have the opportunity to be supportive? Are we able to regularly offer and ask for help from each other?
G = Generosity
Will you assume that my intentions are good—and when you’re not sure, will you check it out with me? Can we make generous assumptions and interpretations of ourselves and others in terms of words, behaviors and actions?
For some philosophers, it matters only that the trustee is committed. The central problem of trustworthiness in their view concerns the ongoing commitment of the trustee, and in particular, under what circumstances, if any, one could expect such a commitment from another person
Trust relationship requires you to open yourself to others >>>this may lead to some certain risk such as betrayal and rejection.
Trust relationship does not expect you to overreact in a situation that may remind people of their past events that triggered emotional insecurity.
Trust relationship allows room for mistakes, pardons and shows each other positive value.
Couples in trust relationship are able to listen to, talk to, and touch each other in a caring atmosphere.
Learning to interpret your partner’s behavior is the key to developing trust
Trust and intimacy are the foundation of a healthy and committed relationship.
Couples in trust relationship are able to value a good sense of humor and exhibit communication, cooperation and the ability to resolve constructively their conflict.>>>
These features are according to Donattele, Davis & Hoover.
Further reading>>
Donattele R. J, Davis L. G, & Hoover C. F. (1991).Access to health.
msue.anr.msu.edu/trust_is_one_of_the_most_important_aspects_of_relationships
No comments:
Post a Comment